matte black’s piping hot culture takes for 2019

 Photo by Terrence Caviar

Photo by Terrence Caviar

Ah, a listicle. As you may already know, Matte Black loves a good listicle. This one was fun. The gist? We got everyone on the team to add their theories, premonitions - whatever you want to call them - to a master sheet of, well, predictions for the year 2019.

They’re raw, they’re real. Some are (apparently) completely unrealistic. They’re ranked by three dapper dudes on the team (read their profiles at the end of this ripper) from 1-10. A rank of 1/10? Absolutely not possible. A 10/10? FINNA HAPPEN.

Honestly, a hilarious piece - at least we think so. Dig in.

 

Kanye will launch a shockingly unsuccessful Yeezy line.

THE LADS RankED THIS: 4/10

Who cares, but Yeezy seems too big to fail now.

Kylie Jenner will launch another makeup collection - and this time, it's Travis Scott themed.

THE LADS RankED THIS: 3/10

Of course she'll launch another makeup collection, but it won't be Travis Scott themed - maybe just an AstroWorld Blue shade.

Joe Biden will get heavy on the 'gram and drop a fire book.

THE LADS RankED THIS: 7/10 

Big election run up mood. Let's go Joe.

guys are going to get bang into painting their nails black again. 

THE LADS RankED THIS: 9/10 

Posty is already doing it -- so you know it's gonna happen.

Hailey and Jb will get divorced

THE LADS RankED THIS: 1/10 

 True love never dies.

 

Starbucks will replace its plastic cups for iced drinks with paper cups.

THE LADS RankED THIS: 6/10 

Possible, but trash idea. Free consulting for Starbucks from Matte Black: Don't do that.

Kim Kardashian enrolls in law school after her success as a criminal justice advocate in the Johnson case.

THE LADS RankED THIS: 7/10 

Honorary degree is in the bag, not to mention she'll still be defending her mans.

 

Minimalism will go from trend to a full-blown generational characteristic. This is because we won't have any options otherwise, as things are expensive. and does money grow on trees? Come on, now. White walls and a single (one) house plant for days.

THE LADS RankED THIS: 2/10 

NO! Gucci will save us from minimalism with a little thing called maximalism.

Jonah Hill will actually become one of Hollywood's top commodities after the success of Mid90s

THE LADS RankED THIS: 1/10

Because when was the jawnz god not a hot commodity?

90s fashion will be back in a big way. Little glasses. Giant trackpants. Tucked in white shirts. It's already been creeping in but it's going to blow up in 2019. 

THE LADS RankED THIS: 10/10

Already back, baby.

Basketball overtakes Football as the most popular sport in the US and it's not even close.

THE LADS RankED THIS: 1/10

Check back in with us in 10 years.

The concept of streetwear will collapse as it increasingly becomes a parody of itself. All fashion in 2019 will be purely ironic. Think: Normcore. Sleazecore. Dadcore.

THE LADS RankED THIS: 6/10

Micah + Jonathan will be peak fashion.

donald trump adopts kayne

THE LADS RankED THIS: 8/10

Quid pro quo: Trump has always wanted to replace Eric. Might as well be Ye.

NASA will confirm and then deny Pluto as being a planet 14 more times in 2019.

THE LADS RankED THIS: 3/10

It done been not a planet.

Southern California (San Diego mostly) will get hit with an actual hurricane or severe tropical storm as a result of climate change.

THE LADS RankED THIS: 5/10

The Pacific is too cold, baby.

Idris Elba WILL be cast as James Bond. It’ll be at the last minute and everyone will love it. Well, everyone except: all those old British dad’s that go, “He’s doing parkour on a rooftop, look!” every time Daniel Craig flashes on screen.

THE LADS RankED THIS: 4/10

Wishful thinking, but not happening. We don't deserve nice things after electing Trump, watching the Kardashians, and seeing too many Marvel movies.

DC will never make a successful super hero movie. lmao.

THE LADS RankED THIS: 3/10

Ever heard of Wonder Woman? Aquaman is also going to be a banger with Vinny Chase at the helm too. But true that Batman, Justice League, Suicide Squad were certified trash.

Pepsi will bring back the ultimate beverage... Pepsi Blue.

THE LADS RankED THIS: 10/10

Micah ranking his own take into existence.

Global warming will start reversing.

THE LADS RankED THIS: 0/10

We're honestly the worst, so no.

Virgil Abloh will do something WITHOUT quotation marks.

THE LADS RankED THIS: 5/10

My man may be trapped in his own subconscious.

True Detective 3 will be better than season 1.

THE LADS RankED THIS: 4/10

Pizzolatto may touch the darkness again, but there's no amount of darkness that can conjure up another Rust Cohle. Put him on Mt. Rushmore already.

//

 
 

The Ranking Team

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DIRECTOR, CREATIVE STRATEGY AND CONTENT

Nolan Goff

Resident storyteller. Texan. Opinionated. Future Survivor castaway.

@NOLANWGOFF

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PROJECT MANAGER

Jonathan Godinho

Cinephile. Aspiring sommelier. Dog Dad Afternoon. Always oscillating between world traveler and couch potato. Content with being both.

@JGODINHO

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MANAGING DIRECTOR

Micah Heykoop

Designated wifi fixer and beer runner for Matte Black.

@MICAHHEYKOOP

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FEATURE

Terrence Caviar

Inspired by color, memorable meals, wry humor, and slices of real life, Maguire and McClellan answer a delicious interview with us to discuss their paths to success, inspiration, and zany takes on life.

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FEATURE

DEPICT THIS

Picture: a gorgeous frame. Massive, if you’d like. Filled with breathtaking art. That stuns people as they walk into your humble abode. Even better? You have a butler that comes into your house - where this frame resides - whenever you want a change of scenery

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FEATURE

It’s the year 2025

A quick and quippy read, it’s sure to get your brain churning with ideas, conspiracies, and reading into things like they’re metaphors. Ah, miss the college days.

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FEATURE

HOW TO BE A POLITICAL CYNIC 

The California General Election 2018, or: why you should stop complaining about the future and try to change it.

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FRENCH DISCO HOUSE

I can transform my apartment into the finest Parisian discotheque and now you can too. 

Jonah Hill: Glow-Up God

With a new zine and a movie on the way it’s hard not to be proud of Jonah.  

 

PODCAST

THE RIFF - talking about taste

On this episode, Matte Black Founder + Creative Director, Chelsea Matthews, talks about taste levels - making sense of what taste is, how to define your own, and a few key questions to ask yourself when approaching the topic of taste.


 
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